Have you ever felt that sinking guilt when you borrow money from a friend, promising to return it soon, but deep down knowing it might take longer? Iāve been there, and trust me, it doesnāt feel good. Borrowing from friends not only strains your relationships but also chips away at your self-respect. I knew I needed to changeānot just my spending habits but also the boundaries I set with money.
Over time, I built a few powerful āmoney boundariesā that changed my life completely. Not only did I stop borrowing from friends, but I also learned how to handle my finances with confidence. Hereās how I did it:
There was a time when, at the first sign of troubleālike when my car needed repairs or a bill was dueāIād message a friend for a āsmall loan.ā But this pattern was exhausting and unfair to them. I realized I had to become my own safety net.
So, I started setting aside a tiny amount every weekāeven if it was just $10. Slowly, that little stash became my āmini emergency fund.ā Now, instead of reaching for my phone to ask someone for help, I dip into this small savings pool, and the feeling of independence is priceless.
Impulse buying was my biggest enemy. A cute dress on sale? Add to cart. Coffee runs three times a day? Why not! But these āsmallā spends added up fast, leaving me broke by mid-month.
To fix this, I set a weekly spending limitāa non-negotiable number. If Iād hit my limit, I had to wait until the next week to spend again. It felt tough initially, but this simple boundary made me more mindful of where my money was going. And you know what? I discovered half the things I thought I needed werenāt really worth it.
One of the hardest lessons was saying ānoāāto both friends who invited me out when I couldnāt afford it and to myself when I wanted something I didnāt need.
At first, I felt embarrassed saying, āI canāt join you this time, Iām on a budget.ā But I realized real friends donāt judge you for being responsible. With time, I started feeling stronger and more in control because I was no longer pretending to live a lifestyle I couldnāt afford.
For a long time, I thought budgeting was something only ābrokeā people do. But honestly, budgeting is just a way of telling your money where to go instead of wondering where it went.
I started tracking my income and expenses every Sunday. No complicated spreadsheetsājust a simple notebook. This tiny habit gave me clarity. I knew exactly how much I could spend, save, or treat myself with, without ever needing to borrow.
Yes, I wanted to save, but I also wanted to live! Cutting out all fun expenses wasnāt realistic. So I created a small āfun fundā where Iād save a few dollars every week for guilt-free treatsāa movie night, coffee dates, or that pretty lipstick.
Having this little fund made me stop splurging recklessly. It gave me a sense of balance and reminded me that managing money doesnāt mean cutting out happinessāit just means being intentional about it.
This was the toughest but most powerful rule I set: I banned myself from borrowing money, no matter how tempting it felt. At first, this felt scaryāwhat if an emergency hit? But this self-imposed rule pushed me to get creative.
Instead of borrowing, Iād look for ways to earn quick cashālike selling things I didnāt need on Facebook Marketplace, taking freelance gigs, or even small side hustles like pet sitting. Every time I found a solution without borrowing, I felt stronger, smarter, and more independent.
Scrolling on Instagram used to make me feel like I wasnāt doing enough. Friends were buying new outfits, going on vacations, or eating at fancy restaurants, and Iād feel pressured to ākeep up.ā Thatās how I ended up borrowing for things I didnāt even need.
The truth is, comparison steals your joyāand your money. Once I unfollowed accounts that made me feel inadequate and focused on my own financial goals, my spending habits naturally improved. It was like I gave myself permission to live at my own pace, not someone elseās highlight reel.
Borrowing money from friends often felt shameful because I never truly opened up about my financial struggles. But one day, I shared my money goals with a close friend, and surprisingly, she encouraged me rather than judging me.
I realized that being honest about your boundaries is better than pretending everything is fine. Now, if someone invites me to an expensive event, I simply say, āIām saving for something important, so I canāt join this time.ā People respect honesty more than you thinkāand you stop feeling like youāre secretly drowning.
In the past, if I wanted something, I wanted it right nowāeven if I didnāt have the money. Credit cards and friendsā loans made it easy to satisfy every whim. But I started asking myself, āCan this wait for a week or two while I save up?ā
Surprisingly, half the time Iād forget about it, which meant I saved money without even trying. Delaying gratification gave me the confidence to buy things with my own cash, and that feeling of pride beats anything money can buy.
Every month, I set 2-3 simple but non-negotiable money goals. For example:
Save $50 no matter what.
Spend no more than $100 on eating out.
Pay off at least one small bill or subscription.
These tiny commitments built my financial discipline. Over time, these small wins added up, and I realized I didnāt need to rely on anyone else to bail me out.
Thereās so much pressure, especially as women, to always say yesāto brunches, birthdays, shopping trips, and even vacations. For years, I was scared to admit when I couldnāt afford something, thinking people would judge me.
But hereās what I learned: āI canāt afford it right nowā is not weaknessāitās wisdom. True friends wonāt make you feel bad about it. In fact, most people respect someone who knows how to prioritize their financial health.
In the past, Iād always focus on what I didnāt have. But now, even if I save just $20 in a week, I celebrate it. Iāll write it in my journal with a note: āLook how far youāve come.ā
These small moments of self-recognition helped me stay motivated. Instead of feeling deprived, I started feeling empowered. I wasnāt just avoiding borrowing; I was building a life where I could stand on my own.
Setting money boundaries isnāt about being strict or punishing yourselfāitās about creating a life where you donāt feel dependent or trapped. The more I respected my own financial limits, the more freedom I found.
If youāre tired of borrowing from friends, start with just one boundary today. It could be as small as saying no to a $5 coffee and putting that money into a jar. Over time, these tiny habits build a wall of financial confidence that no storm can break.
